The Others

Last night Andrea tasked me with the job of working with daughter Grace to figure out what activities she would be involved in this semester. She wants to participate in tennis, soccer, and track. There are already some conflicts with other activities such as her small group. We also have the element of her hurting knee, so are questioning if soccer is a good choice. As I entered her room I closed the door slightly so that we could have some privacy.

“Why are you shutting the door?” Grace questioned with a tone that told me that this was not going to be a very productive discussion.

Anne LaMott says that when her son became a teen he soon became two different people. One of the personas was Sam, the sweet gentle boy that she had originally brought home from the hospital and raised all these years. The other was a boy named Phil who was moody and disrespectful and not always easy to live with. When our oldest, Caleb, hit the teen years he also developed his dark side. Although we have not named this “other” we are fully aware when he is present. We know when the “other” is around there is no need to attempt to discuss anything of importance or expect anything of significance, such as math homework.

My daughters, however, are a different story. All three of our girls didn’t wait until their teens, they came home from the hospital with their “other”. I have become very acquainted with these three additional members of the family. So, last night I immediately knew that I was no longer dealing with Grace but now it was the “other. I went ahead and attempted to begin our sports discussion. I knew that it was not a good idea but still, being a dad, I plowed on ahead.

“I really want to talk to mom about that,” the other said, “I don’t really want to talk to you.”

I attempted to ask why but she just informed me that it was not going to happen. I then went and passed the job onto Andrea who not only failed to seem surprised, she also refused to explain it all to me. I have at times attempted to have one of the daughters explain her female siblings with me and am repeatedly told that I just wouldn’t understand and that it best if I just accept it.

Last night I accepted it and moved on. When I went in to kiss Grace goodnight and say our nightly prayers I actually found Grace there waiting. Grace, not the “other”, asked me to lay down beside her for a moment as Grace frequently does. Sometimes I find the “other” who tells me that she is still mad at me simultaneously there with Grace who tells me that I still have to lay down until she goes to sleep. Last night it was just Grace. I don’t know where the “other” goes on these times but I have just decided to enjoy the time away.

This morning we had to get started early as Hannah was to be at Rose State College by 8:00am for the Inventors Fair. She had made it past the semi-finals at her Middle School and was chosen to go to the state competition. I attended this last year with Grace so had an idea of all that I was getting myself into, I took plenty of books and a comfortable chair. Actually I had not factored in the “other” element. The “other” appeared as we hit almost stand still traffic on the way through the city. I quickly tried to turn the radio so that it no longer showed the time but it was too late. The “other” had already seen that it was fast approaching 8:15am. I knew, from past experience, that once the “other” appears it is tough to get rid of her. I buckled down for a long and rough day. When we finally arrived at the presentation hall I quickly helped Hannah to set up her booth. The “other” then directed me some distance away where I was to set up my chair and sit for the morning. A few times I ventured over to see how it was going and was quickly corrected and sent back to my corner.

Andrea had a small break between clients during which she was able to come up to the Inventors Fair. The “other” seem to disappear when she and grandma appeared. It was a mystery. Andrea had to spend part of her time there attempting to work with me to map out the plans for the evening which included Lily’s afterschool Manyawi, Caleb’s Tennis, Grace’s track at the high school, Caleb’s High School orientation and Middle School K-Life just to name a few. It was no small task.

After Andrea and grandma left and the judging was over we headed to lunch. I hung back allowing Hannah to go and sit with her friends. I assumed that they all also have “others” and that all the “others” get along nicely. When I did enter the lunch room Hannah quickly yelled to me and pointed to the seat next to her which she had saved for me. Then later, in the presentation auditorium, she also requested that I sit with her. I had never seen such a quick exit of the “other”!

Hannah won fifth place in her division which got her a trophy and $10.00 which was very cool. Even the “other” would have had to show some excitement.

Here I Dwell,
Rick